I’ve been staring long and hard at the monitor for a good half of this day, searching for words that would describe the ‘why, what and how’ I spent the wee hours of this morning making an image of myself, for myself.

Despite having just returned from a shoot at 12 in the morning, I had spent the next 6 hours setting up, tearing down, shooting, re-shooting, contemplating, fussing, feeling elated and dejected over just one photograph. Of myself. And I’ve come to realize, that it is one of the hardest things to do – to head out and seek an image of one’s self that would speak and project the truest form of who we are at that moment. I guess the easiest way to have done this, was to have stretched my arm out with iPhone in hand and hit the ‘lil multi-touchscreen button cam-whore style. But I’m not sure in the wee hours of this morning, if that would have answered the ‘why’ – why am I doing this? I would like to imagine most creatives go through this, or at least I know I go through this – to question and seek purpose in the work they create. Why am I doing this? What does my work speak of? Am I worthy and doing justice with what I am creating? Why, what, how.

But perhaps that is it. In a journey through our lives, in each phase or stage in time, we seek out to find who we are. Not for others to comprehend, but rather a journey inwards in the discovery of ourselves. And because we are in constant movement, in constant evolution and in constant wander/wonder, I’m not sure if a self-portrait of myself today would say the same thing a day, a month, or a year later. But as all journeys go, we take time out to pause, look about and assess one’s self. And at 4 this morning, I guess this was my self-projection.

Us grandkids.

CRUSH!

The Chan Mali Chans, so to speak.

Here’s a post where I learnt how to wrap Nonya Bak Zhang with Por Por. And when we celebrated her 87th last year.

Christmas for me is one of my favourite-est seasons of the year and I really cannot believe 2010 is just a few days around the corner. It’s been a busy wedding season with shooting continuing all the way till the eve of New Year’s eve. The editing backlogs are a-piling while everyone is munching on log cakes, but I’m unabashed to declare that I’m taking just these two days off. I’m turning off my computers, access to Internet and stuffing my face with roast beef, lamb and all the desserts at the family’s annual Xmas get together. But then I’m abashed to already know I’ll be tweeting pics of food porn soon.

Thank you for all the memories, friendship and support. Be right back!

Live long and prosper. \V/

Resorts World Sentosa

The place we stood atop is now covered in roofing and this view can no longer be got.

This black and white is one of my favorite shots.

This reminds me of a Ben Harper quote – ‘I smile with my eyes lady’.

School of the Arts (SOTA)

These guys have been building our nation, literally. And they aren’t even Singaporean.

I twittered a bit about it and I was prepared to come across as the blur block that I am. And it was surreal watching myself on air – ‘Is my nose really that big? Wow, my voice is so high pitched.’ But after catching it last night I thought it was well produced and pretty fresh and I’m looking forward to catching the other episodes in the upcoming weeks.

The program is hosted by UK-based photographer and writer of many photography books – Tom Ang. Tom was really humble, warm, had a real great sense of humor and from what I understand from the crew, has great appreciation for our local food. And both on and off camera, he was willing and open to sharing his knowledge and experience.

The series was filmed earlier this year and provided me access to places that little or no one else would ever have. I appreciated that not many others would have had the opportunity to have been able to document the construction sites from within, of what would become the Sentosa Integrated Resort and the new School of the Arts (SOTA) compounds. And when I stood on top of the IR building, on a platform that no men would ever step onto once it was completed, really put me in awe of the size of the project.

The crew were a delight to work with and made the tiring days at filming so enjoyable, it made me kinda miss production crew life. My episodes were directed by Beetle maniac Randy Ang and it was a pleasure to have met Anthony of Let There be Light photography who is a funny, funny man.

How’s that for being on the other side of the lens.

Catch the series and keep a look out for my mentor and friend Eulee < http://www.photographybyeulee.com/blog/ > who is featured on 30th September.

Stay tuned here, I’ll post some shots from the series in a follow up post. Continued here

Scene City: Singapore airs every Wednesday at 8.30pm, exclusively on Channel News Asia.

• 19th August – Resorts World & School of the Arts
• 26th August – Singapore Dance Theatre & Timbre
• 2nd September – Semakau Landfill & Pulau Ubin
• 9th September – Kim Keat Lane Bakery & Changi Fishery
• 16th September – PSA & Print Dynamics
• 23rd September – Pearl Bank Apartments & Margaret Drive
• 30th September – Southern Ridges & Sungei Buloh
• 7th October – Star Cruises

.
Executive Producer: Lionel Chok
Directors: Randy Ang and Wilson Yip
Producer: Andy Zeng
Production Assist: Tan Kaili

Scene City Singapore was produced by the fine people at OriginAsian

**Update: CNA is screening the episode again at 1:32pm this afternoon. Catch me and my high pitched laugh.

And we continuing bobbing about, carrying on and moving on. Moving on with our daily routines, as we zip by others while our own lives zip pass us. But alas, such is life as they say. And we move on.

We move on not realizing we are being watched as we carry out our affairs. Watched by friends, family, strangers and for a religious person – God. Strange though, that we hardly think much about it, that eyes are on us all the time, watching, observing and studying us in our own worlds. We pay no thought to return that gaze, to travel out of ourselves and to contemplate the other view.

And as we cruise along in our little worlds, in our little lives, why pretend that we aren’t looking through the bottom of a glass bottle? Why pretend we are looked down upon and we look down on? Why pretend that we are all but little people?

Little people being watched from afar.

“We are but little people” is an ongoing work-in-progress project.

I realized during the workshop that the way McCurry shoots is totally opposed to the way I am used to. While he has time – sometimes up to 3 months – to spend at a location just to get that one shot, we don’t often get that kind of opportunity with candid uncontrived moments. Steve was all about crafting, working the shot, waiting and revisiting places. And in all honesty, his way of ‘educating’ was a little bit of a disappointment to me, with us kids brought up on MTV and the ‘instant now’ Internet.

But it dawned on me that – Yes, his style of shooting is totally different from what I expect of myself and my expectation to ‘feed me NOW!’ set me up for disappointment. That in a sense the lesson to be learned was one of patience and learning to calm and quieten the inner voice. Not to quash creativity but to attain a sort of zen (yes pun intended, yet again).

Om…

I signed myself up with Steve McCurry‘s 3 day workshop during the week and it’s be a tiring 3 days of walking, photography, reviews, crits, meeting some fab talented photographers and some mindful contemplation on finding my voice in photography.

I have quite a bit on my mind and some shots I’d like to share from the workshop, but since it is a Sunday and I’m just about to zip off for a wedding shoot, I’ll just post one right now. And perhaps it speaks about what is on my mind – to be zen like buddha.

“Anything you want”

Steve McCurry of the National Geographic cover fame Afghan Girl (apart from many other awesome photographs).

Anyways, here’s some of the clowning around Labbit, X and myself got into.

PS: Oh, oh. HUAT AH! Gong Xi Fa Cai! Have a prosperous, ‘money come big big’ Lunar New Year. May we all slog less in the year of the Ox. Slog, zlog. Ehhh geddit? Cheesy I know, nevermind. :P