Dazza Pictures

Darryl. Self-Portrait. October 2010, 4am.

October 09, 2010

A Self Portrait at 4

I’ve been staring long and hard at the monitor for a good half of this day, searching for words that would describe the ‘why, what and how’ I spent the wee hours of this morning making an image of myself, for myself.

Despite having just returned from a shoot at 12 in the morning, I had spent the next 6 hours setting up, tearing down, shooting, re-shooting, contemplating, fussing, feeling elated and dejected over just one photograph. Of myself. And I’ve come to realize, that it is one of the hardest things to do – to head out and seek an image of one’s self that would speak and project the truest form of who we are at that moment. I guess the easiest way to have done this, was to have stretched my arm out with iPhone in hand and hit the ‘lil multi-touchscreen button cam-whore style. But I’m not sure in the wee hours of this morning, if that would have answered the ‘why’ – why am I doing this? I would like to imagine most creatives go through this, or at least I know I go through this – to question and seek purpose in the work they create. Why am I doing this? What does my work speak of? Am I worthy and doing justice with what I am creating? Why, what, how.

But perhaps that is it. In a journey through our lives, in each phase or stage in time, we seek out to find who we are. Not for others to comprehend, but rather a journey inwards in the discovery of ourselves. And because we are in constant movement, in constant evolution and in constant wander/wonder, I’m not sure if a self-portrait of myself today would say the same thing a day, a month, or a year later. But as all journeys go, we take time out to pause, look about and assess one’s self. And at 4 this morning, I guess this was my self-projection.

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